The Child Rearing Smorgasbord

The Child Rearing Smorgasbord is a tool for customizing adult-child caregiving and supportive relationships. It is designed to help you and your partners consider additional possibilities besides a traditional “parent” role in a child’s life. Suggestions for use are below. This tool may be especially helpful when a legal or biological parent is in relationship with a non-parent- both of you can consider what you each want or are open to for the relationship between the non-parent and the child.

I suggest that you begin by filling out this sheet separately, each marking the items that are green (you definitely want this aspect of relationship with the child) red (you definitely do NOT want this aspect of relationship with the child) and yellow (you might be open to it, or need further discussion about the circumstances or needs around this item)

After both people have filled out their personal wishes and limitations, use this as a tool for discussion. What is green or red for both of you? Talk about the details for items that are yellow for both of you. If there is a mismatch in color, talk about what prompted each person to choose the color they did. Consider what each person might need in order to change their color. If you find you’re stuck and can’t resolve something that feels incompatible here, 1 on 1 peer support might be able to help.